Why the Strengths and Weaknesses Conversation Isn't Just for Interviews

If you’ve ever had a job interview, you’ve likely been asked some variation of the strengths and weaknesses question. 

‘What are your top three strengths?’ ‘How do you address your weaknesses?’ - or as they’re often referred to now - opportunities or areas for development/improvement. Strengths can encompass both hard and soft skills. Hard skills are more technical skills learned or gained from experience, such as languages, data analysis or graphic design. Soft skills are related to character strengths, e.g. communication, curiosity and leadership. 

My experience is that when an interview panel asks these questions, they are seeking a response more so about soft skills/character strengths. If you have already been called for an interview, it's because your CV/resume reflects your relevant hard skills through experience and qualifications. While those may be explored further, the interview is primarily an opportunity to get to know the person and see what those other less quantifiable strengths are.

Chances are, you've likely had to think about the answer to such a question, draft a response and practise it. Because although these questions are about our intrinsic qualities, aspects of our persona that support us or challenge us on a daily basis - we generally aren't used to addressing them openly. A disappointing, but not surprising fact. 

How Society Influences Our Strengths and Weaknesses

Society teaches us that we lack humility or modesty if we promote our strengths. And of course, as guarded humans, we tend to avoid highlighting our weaknesses, for fear of feeling bad about them or giving a poor impression to others. Yet, in order to best use our strengths for the good of society, we need to be aware of, and able to talk about them openly. That means outside of the interview room too. 

It makes sense therefore, that as a coach I do not limit the strengths conversation to my career coaching clients only. Strengths also inevitably crop up in conversation about self worth, goals, personal growth, problem-solving and relationships. In fact, various positive psychology studies have linked strengths awareness and use to positive physical and mental health, and wellbeing in general. Let’s promote that as much as possible.

So, what do strengths conversations sound like, and how can we best leverage them?

How Does a Strengths and Weaknesses Conversation Go?

Identifying our own strengths, or hearing what others think they are, is a great and simple place to start. However, a strengths finder survey might be more practical for those who aren't used to such personal communication, or younger people who don't have the experience or vocabulary for self-exploration of the theme. This lack of vocabulary reinforces why we need to be having these conversations long before we enter an interview room. 

Some of the most common surveys are the VIA Character Strengths Survey, Gallup's Strengths Assessment and High5. 

Once you have your results you can discuss to what extent they resonate with you. Which ones do you agree with, which ones surprised you, and which would you like to develop?

The idea is to keep the conversation positive and curious. That’s why I agree with the tendency to no longer refer to ‘weaknesses’ as such, but rather mirror the corporate shift in language to ‘areas for development’, ‘opportunities for improvement’, or ‘strengths yet to be developed’. 

This shift in language reflects a positive shift in attitude about human abilities, and our capacity to change, develop and take control over parts of us that can be improved, should we wish. In the past, the approach was black and white: they’re good at X (strength) and not good at Y (weakness). Therefore, don’t give them responsibilities that involve Y. Now, we look at weaknesses as opportunities for learning and growth - and potential strengths that could be developed with the right support. The approach is healthier, positive and supportive 

Here’s where else I believe we should be having strengths conversations on a regular basis.

Strengths Conversations Outside the Interview Room

Strengths in Action at Home

At home: if couples, parents and children were regularly having conversations about strengths, home dynamics could radically improve. Chores could be assigned according to strengths, for a more efficient workflow. Children could build new skills putting their strengths to use on different household tasks. For example, if they were naturally organised, perhaps they could be responsible for organising storage areas or wardrobes. Both children and adults could have greater self-belief and confidence if their strengths were regularly recognised by others, and put to use for the good of the household. 

Home could also be a safe and supportive environment to work on those less-developed strengths (weaknesses) before performing them elsewhere. Finally, by openly using and speaking about their strengths, the family would be building evidence of their strengths in action, and practising language to describe it. 

The family home would become the starting place for strengths conversations that could then be continued at school, in the workplace and socially. 

Strengths in Action at School

While school is usually where we identify hard skills and talents, e.g. maths, languages, coding, - once again character strengths such as creativity, kindness and honesty aren’t given the same attention, apart from on end-of-year report cards, or in parent and teacher meetings. Yet, aren't these the very skills that we should be recognising and  nourishing in children to help them grow into strong, well-functioning teenagers and adults, who believe in themselves and champion each other?

Some of the questions I ask coaching clients during this exploration of strengths are easily reframeable for the classroom.

After identifying a strength with the client, I ask:

In which situations does this strength show up for you? For a student, the strength could be teamwork and it shows up during Physical Education class.

What behaviours show that you’re using this strength? The strength might be kindness, and the behaviour is them helping others with their homework.

Where could you use this strength more? The strength is leadership, and they could use it more in the classroom, not just on the sports field.

When could you use these strengths less? The strength is speaking, and they could develop their listening skills by balancing them with speaking, and give others a chance to develop their speaking skills too. 

Such questions encourage a sense of self-awareness and social awareness - skills that we are never too young to develop, especially in this increasingly isolating digital age. 

Strengths in Action Socially

Finally, imagine more conversations with friends or your social circle, that aren’t always about problems, personal drama, or gossiping about someone else. In attempts to be supportive, friendly conversations can often turn into echo chambers, reinforcing woes and victimhood. What if we elevated our platonic conversations to honest acknowledgement of each other's strengths, and constructive encouragement of each other to grow and succeed. What if we asked questions like, ‘What strengths did you use when you overcame a similar challenge?’ Or ‘What support or resources do you need that would allow you to make the most of this strength?’

Like the family unit, friendship circles should be safe and supportive places where we can be vulnerable enough to share our difficulties - but rather than wallow in them, practise and build confidence around our challenges.

Take it a step further: how much more interesting and insightful would a strengths conversation make your dating experience with potential partners? The answers could reveal a lot about compatibility.

You see, answering the strengths and weakness question in interviews isn't just about getting the job, and forgetting about it. In a well-functioning organisation it’s about using the response to leverage skills, ensure team compatibility, achieve goals, and encourage growth and development. And, yes, you might also have to depend on colleagues and management for that to happen successfully at work. However, every home, family and (social) team that you’re part of will also work best when growth and development are encouraged, members are compatible and goals are aligned. Every day is an opportunity for you to intentionally develop strengths with your partner, family and friends - and that starts with a conversation. 

If you’d like to explore your strengths via coaching, let’s chat. Book a free discovery call to discuss your needs and opportunities to work together.

Siobhán Gallagher is a coach, educator and writer focused on the intersection between communication, career and wellbeing. Join her mailing list or book a discovery call to learn more about her services. Connect at siobhangallagher.co, LinkedIn and Instagram.