From Regret to Relief: the Power of Perspective
A number of years ago I was visiting an old school friend I hadn't seen in 18 years. We spent hours catching up on all we’d done since our last contact.
I was filling her in on the fact that after leaving college, I had spent two years working at home in my rather unglamorous hometown before moving abroad. During those two years, I was also in a relationship. When it was reaching its end, I was ready to take my long-held dream of working abroad more seriously, and I initiated the steps to make it happen.
Describing this transition to my friend, I also expressed my regret at not moving abroad sooner, instead of “wasting those years” on what was ultimately a failed relationship.
Reframing Regret
My friend quickly reframed this regret for me - and taught me in one sentence the power of perspective. That sentence was: “However, Siobhan, I bet you're glad you were able to spend those two years at home with your dad.”
Because I had also just told her how my father had died very young from an aggressive illness, soon after I eventually did move abroad.
Her wise words hit me hard. From that perspective, yes, of course! I was immediately so grateful and relieved that I got to spend those two years with Dad. In hindsight, I would have wanted nothing else. Those years were, and still are, valuable and precious beyond description for me.
The Power of Perspective
How grateful I was for her refreshing, kind and intuitive perspective. It allowed me to step out of focusing on something very minor, and let me see the positive value of what I had actually gained!
When I had time later to sit back and really take it in, I was also able to see that so many other things happened in those two years, that set me up for success once I finally did move:
I got crucial job experience, and built confidence in my skills.
I learned about opportunities that were perfect for my profile (thanks to my dad passing me a vacancy notice in a national newspaper).
I had time to adequately learn more about such opportunities and study for the career that awaited me.
I was able to save and move with a financial safety net.
I got references and support from wonderful colleagues, friends and family.
There had been nothing to regret. My life then was supporting me and preparing me for the future. Had I moved earlier, I would not have experienced any of that.
And I got two years not only with my dear father, but with my whole family, as I have been abroad for over 20 years now.
The Bigger Picture
This lesson on perspective will forever stay with me. No matter how bad things seem, there will almost always be another perspective, an opportunity to reframe. However, sometimes we're so entrenched in the mistake, or the struggle, or the rejection, or the tragedy that we are unable to see the bigger picture, the wood for the trees.
I’ve been fortunate to be able to share this tool of reframing with my coaching clients over the years, and help them transform their thinking. Even a slight shift in perspective has allowed them to reframe regret into relief, fear into courage, and negativity into positivity.
Once that shift occurs, new possibilities open up, emotions elevate, ideas flood in. The transformation can be major and immediate. It always, always pays to step back and get a wider view, or search for another angle.
The Last of Human Freedoms
Just because one thing isn't going well, or we're not always where we want or think we need to be, doesn't mean that we're not where we should be.
Where can you step back and allow yourself a new perspective today? What can you reframe to relieve yourself from regret, fear or disappointment? Ask yourself, ‘Is there another way of thinking about this?’ And if you’re having trouble responding, who can you ask to support you with it?
In Man’s Search for Meaning, Viktor Frankl wrote, “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms - to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way.”
That’s what I call the power of perspective.
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No time to lose - and everything to gain? Sometimes a coaching package isn’t necessary. Empower hours are ideal for getting support with the tools I refer to in this article. They give you the flexibility to work with me intensively, and walk away with a result in two hours. Book a discovery call, or write to siobhan@siobhangallagher.co to learn more.
Siobhán Gallagher is a coach, educator and writer working at the intersection between communication, career and wellbeing. Join her mailing list or book a discovery call to learn more about her services. Connect at siobhangallagher.co, LinkedIn and Instagram.